Staying Top of Mind
You might be tempted to think that relationship maintenance is really about one thing:
You might be tempted to think that relationship maintenance is really about one thing:
Making sure people remember you. That is partly true. But it is also incomplete.
If our goal is simply to stay visible, relationships can quickly become self-centered. People can usually sense when someone reaches out only to keep themselves relevant.
Healthy relationships work differently. The goal is not just to stay top of mind. The focus is to stay connected.
Being remembered is often a natural byproduct of maintaining genuine relationships.
Why Top of Mind Matters
There were so many times when I called a business contact and they said, “I was just thinking about you.” At the time this naturally made me feel good. Looking back now, I wonder if my call reminded them instead. Would they have called me if I hadn’t called them?
Most opportunities come through people. When opportunities arise, people naturally think about the relationships that are active in their minds. It is simply how memory works.
People cannot recommend us if they never think about us.
They cannot introduce us if we never cross their minds.
They cannot share opportunities if we don’t connect.
You might conclude that the best way to be in the right place at the right time is to be everywhere all the time.
The Wrong Approach
We see “being everywhere all the time” implemented badly in some of the new AI-driven customer relationship programs many companies use. Give a company your information and they can’t help overdoing it with emails or text messages every day. I get ones asking for feedback before a product even arrives.
These contacts are not only impersonal, they are downright annoying. Why? Because they are clearly part of a standard response program used for everyone.
Don’t act like you know me when you don’t.
Don’t…
<w:t>Constantly talk about yourself.
<w:t>Promote yourself.
<w:t>Broadcast your accomplishments.
<w:t>Seek attention.
You are an actual person. Don't communicate like an advertisement.
The Better Approach
I don’t recommend sending the auto-responses offered by applications. If you want to wish someone a Happy Birthday send them an e-mail or call.
We want to connect with people through interactions that are as personal as possible. This means something that is specifically for them.
The easiest way to remain in someone’s thoughts is to take an interest in theirs.
Be curious.
Ask questions.
Listen.
Remember important events.
Follow up.
Show genuine interest in what is happening in their lives.
People tend to remember those who remember them.
That may be one of the simplest relationship principles I have learned.
Small Touches Matter
Staying connected does not require constant communication.
In fact, the actual communication rarely requires very much at all.
<w:t>A note of congratulations.
<w:t>A quick message.
<w:t>A shared article.
<w:t>A simple question.
<w:t>A brief conversation.
These small interactions remind people that the relationship still exists.
The old saying, ‘it’s the thought that counts,’ applies here.
Do something thoughtful.
A Personal Habit
One habit I developed was keeping notes about the people I knew. This isn’t some creeper thing. The things people shared with me about their lives were important to them. I tried to honor that they share them with me by remembering.
Not business notes. Life notes.
<w:t>A new job.
<w:t>A daughter getting married.
<w:t>A son leaving for college.
<w:t xml:space="preserve">A dream for retirement.
A new grandchild.
<w:t>A hobby.
The next time we spoke, I could ask about those things.
People appreciated being remembered.
More importantly, it demonstrated that I had listened.
Relationships are built one conversation at a time.
Remembering details is one way to show people that those conversations mattered.
Staying Connected
The phrase “top of mind” can sometimes sound transactional.
I prefer to think about staying connected.
Connections create familiarity.
Familiarity creates trust.
Trust creates opportunities.
The strongest relationships are not maintained through constant communication or self-promotion.
They are maintained through small, consistent acts of genuine interest.
If people remember you, that is good.
If they remember that you cared about them, that is even better.
The best way to show interest is to genuinely be interested. Don't fake it.