Meeting People. Lessons from an Introvert

I am going to share some lessons that came from many failures.

A little about me first. I am an introvert who spent much of his career in roles that required extrovert skills. My job required me to meet new people, start conversations, attend events, and walk up to complete strangers.

The funny thing is that it never became natural.

To this day, I would rather sit quietly and observe than walk across a room and introduce myself to someone I don’t know.

Yet after years of practice, I learned how to do it—and eventually became fairly good at it.

If you are someone who feels awkward approaching people, you should know that you’re not alone. Many people assume those who seem comfortable meeting new people are naturally gifted. Some are. Many are not. Often they have simply practiced.

Most People Overthink It

Most people think they need to say something clever, memorable, or impressive when meeting someone new. I certainly did.

I would worry about the perfect opening question or wonder how I was going to keep the conversation going.

What I eventually learned was that conversations become much easier when you stop focusing on yourself and start focusing on the other person.

Two Things I've Learned

Over time, I discovered two simple principles that made meeting people much easier.

Be Curious

Curiosity is incredibly powerful. Most people enjoy talking about things that matter to them—their work, family, hobbies, interests, and experiences.

If you are genuinely curious, conversations tend to take care of themselves.

Listen carefully. Pay attention to what people say. Look for something that interests you and ask questions about it.

When people sense genuine curiosity, they often become more comfortable and more willing to engage.

Curiosity also takes the pressure off you. Instead of trying to think of something impressive to say, your job becomes learning about the other person.

Curiosity isn't a technique for getting someone to like you. It is a way to get your mind right about interacting with someone.

Be Real

The second principle is even simpler.

Be yourself.

People can usually sense when someone is trying too hard or pretending to be something they are not.

You do not need to become the loudest person in the room. You do not need to memorize conversation techniques. You do not need a polished personal brand.

You simply need to be authentic.

For me, it became easier to approach people when I accepted that I was an introvert. I stopped trying to act like someone else and focused instead on having genuine conversations.

People respond surprisingly well to authenticity.

People Are Often More Comfortable Talking About Themselves

One of the most amusing things I discovered over the years is that many people can talk for quite a while before asking a question in return.

In fact, I sometimes turned it into a private game. How many questions would they answer about themselves before asking me something?

The answer was often: quite a few.

This is not necessarily selfishness. Most people simply enjoy talking about their experiences, interests, and opinions.

The lesson is not to avoid talking about yourself. The lesson is to realize that listening is often more valuable than speaking.

I think people often remember how a conversation made them feel more than what was actually said. If someone feels heard, understood, and respected, they are likely to remember the interaction positively.

But I'm Online...

Much of what I have discussed so far applies to face-to-face interactions.

The reality is that many of us spend much of our professional lives online. For some people, the faces they see in video meetings may be the only faces they see all day.

Fortunately, the same principles still apply.

Be curious. Be real. Ask questions. Listen. Show genuine interest in other people.

The technology may be different, but human nature has not changed very much. People still appreciate authenticity. People still enjoy being heard. People still respond to genuine interest.

Meeting People Gets Easier

One final thought.

Meeting new people never became effortless for me. I still feel a little uncomfortable at times.

The difference is that experience taught me something important.

Most people are not judging you nearly as much as you think.

Most are dealing with the same uncertainties you are. They are wondering what to say. They are hoping to make a good impression. They are trying to feel comfortable too.

The goal is not to become fearless.

The goal is simply to start.

Be curious. Be real. Everything else tends to take care of itself.