Make It a Habit

Remember that we are focused on nurturing relationships, not collecting them.

If you can nurture relationships effectively with less effort and time, you can expand your people network even further.

We all have a kind of home network—close friends and family members we can call on, people we know will be there, people with whom we have a connection that doesn't disappear just because we haven't talked recently.

What if everyone in our people network could feel a little more like someone in our home network?

Not that everyone needs to become a close friend. That's neither realistic nor necessary. But the people we know should feel valued. We should see them as people, not simply as professional connections, names in an address book, or potential opportunities.

And as your people network grows, you can't possibly talk to everyone all the time.

You have to spread the love.

Some Relationships Can Wait

Think about a reunion.

You may see someone you haven't talked to in years. Yet after five minutes of conversation, it can feel as though you were never apart.

That's one of the wonderful things about some relationships. They are strong enough to withstand time.

We don't want to neglect those relationships simply because we know they can survive without our attention. But we also don't need a weekly reminder to call someone we've known for decades.

The same thing happens professionally.

A first boss. A longtime coworker. Someone you worked closely with years ago. A mentor who helped shape your career.

Some people become lifelong connections.

You may not talk to them regularly, but the relationship is still there.

Other relationships aren't quite as resilient.

They need a little more attention.

Spinning Plates

As your people network grows, maintaining it can feel a little like spinning plates on sticks.

Do people still do that?

You get one plate spinning and then have to run over to another before it falls. Then another. And another.

The challenge isn't necessarily finding people.

It's knowing where to spend your limited time and energy.

Some relationships need more attention than others. Some are strong enough to coast for a while. Some are just beginning and need attention if they are going to develop into something more.

That's where the idea of nurturing relationships becomes important.

Think Like a Gardener

I prefer to think about it as a garden.

A garden doesn't need the same amount of attention from every plant every day. Some plants need more water. Some need more sunlight. Some are already well established. Others are just getting started.

But if you want a garden to grow, you have to pay attention to it.

Relationships work much the same way.

The relationship you have with each person needs to be nurtured with some amount of attention and care—especially when you don't need anything from them.

We all know people who only contact us when they need something.

We don't want to be those people.

A quick note to say congratulations. A question about how someone's doing. An invitation to lunch. Remembering something they told you. Sharing something you think they would enjoy.

None of these things has to be a big deal.

In fact, they usually shouldn't be.

The goal isn't to constantly interrupt someone's life. It's simply to maintain the connection.

Not All Contact Is the Same

There's another important part of nurturing relationships.

The kind of interaction matters.

Meeting someone in person can create a very different connection than sending an email. A video conversation can give you more opportunity to interact than a quick text. A thoughtful back-and-forth conversation can mean much more than simply liking someone's post.

That doesn't mean emails and texts aren't valuable. They are.

It means we shouldn't think of every contact as equal.

When you have the opportunity to spend time together, talk, listen, laugh, share something personal, or help one another, take advantage of it.

Be interactive.

Make It a Habit

The good news is that nurturing relationships doesn't have to become another full-time job.

It can become a habit.

Notice someone you haven't talked with recently.

Remember something important in their life.

Send a quick message.

Invite them to lunch.

Congratulate them.

Pick up the phone.

Sometimes five minutes is enough to rekindle a connection.

The goal isn't to contact everyone.

The goal is to pay attention to the people in your network and give the right relationships the right amount of attention.

These ideas are at the heart of NurtureNet.

NurtureNet wasn't designed to help you collect more contacts. It was designed around a different question:

How can we make it easier to take care of the relationships we already have?

Because a people network isn't really valuable because of how many people are in it.

It's valuable because of the relationships you have with those people.