Dormant Relationships
In When People Forget You, we explored an uncomfortable possibility. Someone important in your network may have forgotten you. That article was…
In When People Forget You, we explored an uncomfortable possibility. Someone important in your network may have forgotten you. That article was intentionally a little bleak.
But before you assume a relationship is lost forever, there is something important to remember:
Not every neglected relationship is dead. Some are simply dormant.
Think about people you once knew well.
Former coworkers.
Old customers.
Past neighbors.
College friends.
People from organizations or activities you once participated in.
You may not have spoken with them in years.
Yet, if you reached out, you might be surprised by the response. Many relationships retain value long after regular contact stops.
Dormant Is Not Dead
We often think of relationships as either active or lost.
Reality is usually more complicated.
Relationships exist on a spectrum.
Some are active and growing. Some are slowly fading. Some have become dormant.
A dormant relationship is one that has not disappeared, but it has stopped receiving attention.
The connection still exists.
The shared experiences still exist.
The memories still exist.
The trust may still exist.
The relationship is simply inactive.
Shared History Matters
One reason dormant relationships can often be revived is because of shared history. This is part of the Relationship Floor discussed in a previous article.
You worked together.
Solved problems together.
Shared experiences.
Faced challenges.
Learned from one another.
Those things do not automatically disappear because time has passed.
In many cases, they create a foundation that survives long periods of inactivity.
This is especially true when the relationship was meaningful to begin with.
Reconnecting Is Usually Easier Than We Imagine
Many people hesitate to reconnect because they assume it will be awkward.
“What will I say?”
“Why haven’t I called sooner?”
“Will they even remember me?”
The reality is often much less dramatic.
Most people understand how life works.
Careers change.
Families grow.
People relocate.
Time passes quickly.
Many are happy to hear from someone they once enjoyed knowing.
The conversation may not immediately pick up where it left off.
But it often starts more easily than we expect.
Something Has Changed
One of the most interesting things about dormant relationships is that both people have continued living their lives.
While you were busy building your career, learning new things, and meeting new people, they were doing the same.
The person you reconnect with today is not the same person you knew five years ago. Neither are you.
You both have had:
New experiences.
New knowledge.
New opportunities.
New relationships.
They have continued learning, growing, meeting people, and creating opportunities just as you have.
A dormant relationship may reconnect you with someone who has grown in unexpected ways.
What If It Isn’t That Easy?
Reconnecting might not be easy in some situations. I can give you two of them.
If the relationship went dormant because you “ghosted” someone, this one is difficult to deal with. You ignored their attempts to stay connected.
The other situation is a person you only contact when you need something. The person will naturally be suspicious that you want something again.
In both cases, the relationship was not on the right footing beforehand.
What should you do now?
You had better be ready with an honest explanation and an apology.
Don't expect the relationship to immediately return to where it was. You may have some work to do.
The good news is that recognizing the problem is a start.
You know what to do differently in the future.
Before You Build New Relationships
We meet people all the time in business where a relationship simply doesn't develop. Sometimes it just takes time. It is a special thing when we do connect with someone to the point where we would call it a relationship, even if it is entirely professional and online.
When you think about the people you already know, these dormant relationships may be worth the effort to revive.
So, sit down and consider who you already know.
Who have you lost touch with?
Who once mattered?
Who helped you?
Who did you enjoy talking with?
Who might appreciate hearing from you?
You may discover that some of your most valuable relationships were never truly lost.
They were simply dormant.
And all they needed was a word from you to wake up. Don't give up.