Authentic Professional Relationships

This is one of the articles that I hope can re-orient your thinking when it comes to developing your professional people network.

Think about the people you genuinely care about.

You stay in touch. You remember what is happening in their lives. You celebrate their successes. You help when they need it, and you know they will help you when you need them.

There is trust. There is history. There is mutual investment.

And there is no spreadsheet keeping track of who owes whom a favor.

I believe our professional relationships should look more like that.

No, we won't become close friends with everyone we meet. Who has time for that? But friendship isn't the only kind of meaningful relationship.

That's the part we often get wrong.

We meet someone at a conference, have a great conversation, exchange contact information, and then do nothing.

Six months later, we need something.

“Hey! It's been a while. I have a favor to ask…”

You can probably imagine how that feels on the receiving end.

Compare that with a different kind of relationship.

You meet someone at a conference and have a good conversation. A few weeks later, you send them something you think they would enjoy. A few months later, you congratulate them on a new position. You occasionally exchange ideas. Maybe you have coffee the next time you're in their city.

Nothing dramatic happens. You aren't asking for anything. You are simply staying connected.

Then, two years later, you need advice about something in their area of expertise.

Now you're not contacting a stranger. You're contacting someone who knows you.

That's a completely different relationship.

Instead of asking, “What can this person do for me?”

Ask, “Who is this person?”

If you worry that you're using someone simply because you hope they might help you someday, you're missing an important perspective. The other person may very well need your help. We all need other people. They are building their own people network, and you may become part of it.

Transactional networking is “I'm talking to this person solely because I want something from them.”

Here is a better way to think: “I'm genuinely interested in this person as a person, and I recognize that we may be able to help each other.”

It makes sense to look for people who know things you don't. It could be someone who has the job you want one day, for example. Asking for help is powerful. Try it, but only if you genuinely want to learn.

That is part of being authentic.

Your motives need to match your words.

You can usually tell when someone is using you. People can usually tell when your interest in them is genuine too.

Would you still be interested in this person if they couldn't help you professionally?

A healthy people network isn't a collection of transactions. It is a collection of relationships—with people.

I liked to connect with people that I found interesting. Some of these people are "characters" who had strong personalities. There was a customer many people found difficult. He was a direct and forceful personality. I was intrigued because this person also got things done. Looking past the rough exterior, I found a very focused person who took his job seriously.

This was one of my most enjoyable professional relationships. Over time, I figured out that his demeanor at work was partly a facade. He believed he got more done by speaking the truth and being direct. We had a laugh about that, and I was the only person to see it.

I also met with many younger people who needed career advice. It was very satisfying to share some of my professional wisdom and my people network often helped me introduce them to someone else. I was glad to do it.

I've asked people for help. I've also been asked for help. In my experience, people are often more willing to help than we assume.

Many of the people I advised disappeared after that. A few sent me a message thanking me for my help, and that made it all worth it. I have had some connections come back to talk every time they changed jobs. I generally would still help them, but it felt like I was only important when useful. Don't be that person.

Focus on relationships. Stay connected. Take an interest. Help when you can. Be honest